simple

ok i'm going to recap the past week! well i switched comps w/ dad and i like this one SO much better. i skipped school, had an amazingly relaxing day at brew'd awakening...and consequently got in-house. very special people had their bdays...attrace, christine, blair, and victoria! the weekend: i went to fun world (for the first time in like years), casa de lee (FINALLY), and boston (ice skated/met and reconnected with great people)! thenn this school week, i celebrated retro day (in in-house haha) andd cultural day by wearing a qi pao and watching all the nerdy asians play rock band, super smash bros., and DDR. thennnn i met peter's dog, princess and had a snow day :)

random thoughts:

1) my bag definitely is too stuffed! things fall out ALL the time haha like yogurt...then my dad ran it over and my driveway is partially purple.

2) i love genuine people, meaningful conversation, and simple things.

3) garden state is a strangely heart-warming movie with an amazing soundtrack :)

4) verse of the day: "but He said to me, 'my grace is sufficient for you, my power is made perfect in your weakness..." (2 corinthians 12:9)

5) sometimes i find myself in situations (like in-house) that i would have NEVER thought i'd be in haha. i definitely need wisdom from God :)

6) i've come to enjoy playing piano and reading the news from BBC

7) i love having 8 hours of sleep!

ah bethany dillon :)

nadiah hassan

       

so it came to my attention that miss nadiah reads my blog and so i've been inspired to post :) nadiah currently live in virginia and i miss her a ton! the bottom picture is the last time i saw her (with jack kerouac above us) -- when we went to the coffee mill! and the top picture is nadiah's romantic alley.

mm a little about my vacation, i went to toronto with my parents and i got to drive a few hours. i hate driving on longggg highways w/ trucks, i skidded once and drifted a few times. we stayed at my grandparents' house, which was an oven! i really appreciated getting a chance to help my grandma exercise with her walker because though i don't think she remembers who i am all the time, she seems happy. haha to be honest, growing up, my grandma was just a scary lady who made terrible food. my canto isn't the best so would never really talk to my grandparents, but i really regret that.

i also got to spend time w/ my favorite aunt (elaine)'s family. we had hot pot one night with them and her other side of the family. haha elaine's nephews both have white significant others. and omg one of then and his gf were so hippy. like vegetarians, vintage t's, and long wispy hair with bangs. i got to meet my cousin justin's gf too-- she's really sweet! when my sister flew from ny she mostly hung out with my little cousin joycelyn, while i "finished" my college apps. haha half the time i played microsoft hearts... but i did finish my college apps before school started again! on new year's, my family went to a chinese mall, where they were doing like a kungfu demonstration to wicked loud music. thennnn after, we went to congee wong and haha saw the year change through the time stamp on security camera monitors. on new year's, we walked thru a national park and surprisingly a lot of people were walking too! we stayed in syracuse one night and went to a really awesome church.

ok now it's 2009 and this year has been going well so far, except i truly have senioritis. i had a TON of resolutions and have been kinda keeping them up. but after nathan's sermon on sunday, i realized that i truly need to resolve to know Christ. i've been spending time with God everyday, but i definitely need to gain discipline and not to gossip...b/c i've been tearing others down.

over vacation i read "the alchemist" and it's truly a great book. i makes you think a lot about destiny and haha it's made me a bit paranoid about omens and i already over-analyze enough as it is. here's a nice quote from it:

"tell your heart that the fear of suffering is worse than the suffering itself. and that no heart has ever suffered when i goes in search of its dreams, because every second's encounter with God and with eternity"



since vacation the crisis in graza has escaled- i can't believe over 1000 people have died. is a cause great than takinig the lives of others? it amazes me that only 13 israelis have died, while 1,155 palestinians have died. the other day, i say the bumper stickers behind this happy van with some true words of wisdom:

"when the power of love overcomes the love of power, the world will know peace."
- jimi hendrix

"an eye for an eye makes the whole world blind"
- gandhi

i'm going to end with an acoustic vid from jenny and tyler- an adorable and talented married couple (i found them from a facebook ad that said "if you like bethany dillon and shane and shane. they're like young starving musicans--pursuing their dreams in nashville :)

heaven, kumon, and "a thousand splendid suns"

my weekend, so i pretty much had no contact with the outside world (real social interactions) until sunday. pastor mac's sermon was really great and made me excited for heaven. like i honestly don't know what i do if i wasn't a christian/had Jesus b/c life really can be hard and everyone eventually experiences pain and trials. then in sunday school, i learned how faith shouldn't be "blind" and that faith is more like trust. after sunday school was bertucci's and then avery's party :) it was really fun- i love lyfers! there was some climbing windows, building fires, playing WOW (vlee is an addict now), and dancing involved hahah.





so yesterday was my last day of work of kumon. i've been there for the past year and a half and it's been a major part of my life haha. ok to be honest, at times, i've hated it...my boss, jean can be REALLY demanding. at the beginning, i felt like i couldn't do anything right-there would always be something she would say like "why isn't ____'s work corrected" or "don't talk about non-work related items." i think when jean left over the summer and especially once i found out the center was closing, i began to appreciate her more and realize where she was coming from and the stress she experienced. anyways, i really love and am going to miss all the kids and staff. i definitely learned a lot from working there like how to function in a high-pressure/demanding environment and deal with difficult people and be "professional" haha. though i think kumon is a cult, i hope jean will be able to open it again in the future.

afterschool, i went to the little barnes and noble's in downtown lowell and started to read A Thousand Splendid Suns by khaled hosseini. i really like it so far-- i love how hosseini's ability to convey emotion. i got through the first part which tells about the life of mariam, who is the illegitimate child of a rich business man and a servant. i don't want to give too much of the story away, but her story is really tragic. though this book is fictional, it breaks my heart to hear about abuse parents inflict on their children because of their own pain, fears, and broken dreams. also, though i know things have changed, i hate reading about arranged marriages, which are only for the benefit of the husband. i read The Kite Runner last christmas and gosh that book made me cry so much. i like how both of these books give insight to middle east culture and the constant struggle and strife from these cultures- back in the day until now. so i need to get this book and finish it during christmas break!

ok i need to finish all my college stuff this week! i've been procrastinating SO much and now i'm being owned. i hope there's a snow day tmrw!


song of the day: "relax, take it easy"- mika (haha it reminds me of like cultish "zoolander")

tattoos

so i haven't blogged in a while, but it's a "freezing rain" day and i don't have school so i'm updating! i truly feel bad for those without electricity and whose trees are destroyed. so i didn't know that it was a "state of emergency" or that people were without electricity until like an hour ago...i just thought people weren't online b/c they were sleeping in. i've been able to do a lot of things i've been needing to do like cleaning, devotioning, praying, and replying to old emails and facebook messages. though i'm sad there's no lyf, i'm glad i have a day to catch up on all my homework and hopefully finish some college supplements.

thoughts from my week:

NHS induction was actually really nice :) i honestly will miss school people in college.

my friend henna got me all obsessed about tattoos b/c she's getting an ohm tattooed on her wrist during christmas break. and my friend maureen got a scorpio in the shape of an "M" below her collarbone. so in the past, i've wanted a jesus fish tattooed on my ankle, but not anymore b/c apparently it hurts pretty bad on your ankle as there's not much fat and i also think i want something a bit more elaborate. though i do think having too many tattoos looks trashy, after looking at some designs, i've decided i want to get a a small and black tribal sun on the back of my shoulder. my friend mikhaila are going to gets our tattoos together (she wants morning glory flowers along the side of her ribs and stomach) when we both turn 18!


i was reading an article online called "should christians get tattoos? it was really interesting- it wasn't biased, but presented both sides of the argument. so most people against tattoos (like my mother) believe the people explictly prohibits it. i.e.:"Do not cut your bodies for the dead, and do not mark your skin with tattoos. I am the Lord" -Leviticus 19:28. however the article continues to say that verses must be read in context. other verses in leviticus prohibit things like draining an animal's blood and trimming beards b/c they were specifically associated w/ pagan practices (while today they're not). they also addressed important questions to consider like why do you want a tattoo? will it glorify yourself or God? will it cause other people to fall?

so some reasons i want that sun tattoo is that well i'll get on my 18th birthday and after doing some research, i've learned suns can symbolize "hope for tomorrow" and "looking towards brighter days." those are things i truly want going to college and as i become an adult. i also do love sunshine and the light that Jesus brings to our dark world :)

ok off to do some homework! what do you guys think of tattoos?

song of the week: "you" by switchfoot (yay for "walk to remember" clips :)

hear you me

the post is going to be about everything under the sun

a. johnny d
i was browsing on facebook and learned that a kid from my school, who graduated last year past away. he fell off a roof when he was climbing the roof of a building to see city skyline in boston. i didn't know johnny, but i do remember seeing him in school. reading about him from a newspaper article makes me so sad--he had such a good heart. he was really close to his mom and in the article she mentions how she had bought him a brand new skateboard for graduation. at the skate park, he met a kid who was watching, fascinated at all the boarders. after talking to the kid for a bit, johnny gave away from new skateboard, seeing that the kid needed it more than he did. i feel like God constantly is teaching me sacrifice--like i can't imagine just giving away a bag or sweater someone has just bought me...i mean i could do it, but not willingly. his mom also mentions how when she would ask him why he had to take so many risks, he would say "you only have one life, mom. you can't be afraid to live." hmm i think that is true, we really hold ourselves back a lot b/c we're afraid of other's opinions and the unknown. ah i guess there needs to be balance? like risking things that are worth it? i know johnny wasn't a christian so i don't know what to pray for b/c it's too late...i guess i can pray for peace for his mom. it must be really rough b/c she raised him by herself and he was her only son...

b. fantastick's
i watched it with christine cho and it is an awesome play. it shows how love is something that often needs to be fought for--it's purest form doesn't come without trials.

c. marijuana
in my intro to soc class at umass lowell, we talked about massachusetts ballot question number 2- the decriminalization of marijuana. i honestly think the initiative isn't really restricting anything b/c you can possess an ounce or less and with that much, you're most likely going to sell it. i've always have though that pot was bad b/c it was expensive and addictive. EVERYONE in the class was for the decriminalization or even the legalization of marijuana. their arguments were actually really convincing- it would save the state $130 million, police could focus on more serious crime, and i would keep the records of those who are caught with marijuana clean (often times these offenses keep people from getting jobs even though their offense was minor and a long time ago). there are a lot of people including the brookline police dept. that are in support of this as shown in its passage. i was a bit surprise, but the coalitions for this initiative have spent A LOT of money and i'm guess a lot of young people voted for this. i also learned that marijuana isn't that expensive--it's like $6 a gram and it's not addictive (but then why do people keep doing it?). i also learned that why people do it is b/c it's "relaxing" and distorts things in good ways.

ok i did not succeed in writing everything i wanted to, but i love weddings! last weekend, phil wickham as well as my cousin got married :) i'm leaving for florida now for my brother's wedding, but i shall finish my thought later.

and the highlight of my week: the lee's are moving back!!! :)

this is my prayer in the desert

"desert song" by hillsong united is such an amazing song. it's performed by brooke fraser and jill mcloughry of the hillsong church. God truly does have the victory in trial. i realize that i need to learn to rejoice through all circumstances and that i always have reason to worship. like when i think about it all my trial have been soo trivial compared to what others have been thru. in that video clip, jill mcloughry talks about how she lost her pre-mature baby just over a week before she had to record this album. i can't imagine her pain...like why would God make you go thru 6 months of pregnancy and joy just to end it. jill's words are really powerful "my circumstance in this season doesn't change--that God is still God. it doesn't change what God's called me to be or what he's called me to do. and he's still on the throne in heaven; and He still rules; and he's still bigger than anything i'm facing." i really pray that i'll have that type of faith as i'm being refined.

This is my prayer in the desert
And all that's within me feels dry
This is my prayer in the hunger in me
My God is a God who provides

And this is my prayer in the fire
In weakness or trial or pain
There is a faith proved
Of more worth than gold
So refine me Lord through the flames

And I will bring praise
I will bring praise
No weapon forged against me shall remain

I will rejoice
I will declare
God is my victory and He is here

And this is my prayer in the battle
And triumph is still on it's way
I am a conqueror and co-heir with Christ
So firm on His promise I'll stand

All of my life
In every season
You are still God
I have a reason to sing
I have a reason to worship

This is my prayer in the harvest
When favor and providence flow
I know I'm filled to be empited again
The seed I've recieved I will sow

open up my eyes to the things unseen

so when i usually journal my prayers, i try to follow ACTS (adoration, confession, thanksgiving, and supplication). i like to fill up a whole notebook page every time i write, so when i can't think of anything else to say to God, i usually take something from a song. ok haha so the bridge from "hosanna" is wordy and so i use it a lot. "heal my heart and make it clean/open up my eyes to the things unseen/show me how to love like you have loved me/break my heart for what breaks yours/everything i am for your kingdom's cause/as i walk from earth into eternity. i think that God has slowlyyy been opening up my eyes to the things unseen, but it hasn't been pretty.

today in sociology at UML, we watched a documentary called "waging a living." it basically highlighted poverty in america. those who make minimum wage truly struggle to make ends meet. often times people who live in poverty are single parents, who can't pursue further education because they have children who they need to take care o and provide for. one of the subjects that the documentary followed was a woman who works as a nursing assistant at an elderly home. she supports three kids andd four grandkids! one of her daughter has cancer that's terminal andd has no health insurance. so this woman works overtime and experiences emotional, physical, and psychological fatigue.

the other story was about another single mom who has five kids and only made $8.25 an hour. i can imagine how that's a struggle to make end's meet- i make more than that for tutoring! i admire this woman so much--she's a full time mom, employee, AND student. i always complain that school is stressful, but is 43892438494324893 times more stressful--she barely has time to study because she has to take care of her kids and work 40 hrs. it's pretty much an endless cycle until she gets her degree and can get a better job with benefits (she spent $200 for allergy medicine for her son!). so later in the documentary, she gets a $2.75 raise andd the government takes away so much of its aid that it was better to make less after all.

the third woman in the documentary wasn't in poverty--she was middle class (nice house, nice car), but is undergoing a bitter divorce. her husband must have had a really good job b/c she never had to work or pursue more education, but when he left, she had nothing. she raises her three kids and works as a waitress. though she has tips, she only makes $2.18 an hour! waitressing isn't exactly full of certainty b/c everything on the customers (if there are any at all). this woman has $12,000 in debt for the divorce (why is the legal process of a divorce so freaking expensive?)andd like $15,000 in credit card debt for her house, car, and other expenses. thenn her 8 year old son, who probably is hurting a lot, is crazy and like tries to hit his mom.

ok this is getting sooo long, but the bottom lining is that i realized how hard life is for so many people. i truly broke my heart hearing all these stories. the first woman, who is a somewhat devoted catholic said that she felt that God had neglected her. if i was in her situation, i'd honestly feel the same way. it's so easy for us to say that "God has a plan for each one of us and puts us in our circumstances we're in for a purpose," but when you have the constant worry of not being able to pay for things like electricity or school supplies from your kids--it's a different story. i guess you could say that God puts the fortunate in their places to help those in need ("freely you have received, freely give" matt. 10:8) but how many of us continuously do? all these women are pretty much in the same nightmare that never ends. and their kids will be in the same condition unless they can afford the money and time for college.

i am so thankful that God has blessed me with so much that i can go to college and that my parents are together and aren't living "paycheck to paycheck." God definitely convicted me on my lifestyle--i'm extremely selfish and materialistic. i spend so much time and money on things that bring temporal happiness, when so many people are struggling to survive. i know God wants me to act upon injustice and start with small things, like changing myself before i try to change others. i truly want to try to use my money for God and for people in need, as opposed to things that i don't need for myself.

in "blue like jazz," donald talks about one of his friend's penny. he respects penny because she truly believes in what she says and lives according to it. he talked about how penny hadn't bought any clothes for a whole year and how he admired that. i'm going to try that, it's definitely not going to be easy for me b/c haha sometimes i think i'm a compulsive shopper. anyways, i know that God can give me the strength to do so!

song of the day: "hear you me" by jimmy eat world :)