waiting

so vacation was last week and i really needed it, but i should have used my time better!

i really like lists b/c they kind of organize my thoughts :)

1) TC: i loved getting to see people again, but i never feel like i get to hang out/heart-to-hearts with all the people i want to! serving on shep team was nice--it's so encouraging to see people wanting to meet with God. i wasn't quite "there" spiritually and had a bad attitude at some points and i reallyy regret that. it's like i didn't truly want God to speak to me. at prayse fire, i saw how broken we all really are. i also realized how i am really scared of being vulnerable/letting people see my weaknesses. in retrospect, i know i need to conquer my giants of gossip, inconsistency, and dishonesty. i also need to learn to seek God's face.

2) break: besides being a bum at home, i went to the movies, visited the revolving museum, and went to wrentham and natick. i also ate out too much tgif's, brew'd, bertucci's, outback, minado, and panera! it was nice hanging out w/ lyfers and tc kids :)

3) movies: i watched "he's just not that into you" (cute chickflick), "definitely, maybe" (super cute chickflick), and "fight club" (mm...too violent, but interesante plot!)

4)aim: so after sleeping at 3 and 5 am b/c of chatting on aim, i remember why i don't use it. haha i guess i have more control w/ gchat b/c less people use it?

5) video messaging: yeah...quite an influx of it on my part. i have to admit video messaging is fun/it's like your w/ the person, but not really. however, i apologize for pretty much being excessively on newsfeeds.

5) otra: so this week i definitely slacked with spending time w/ God, doing school/scholarship stuff, reading my magazines (time and reader's digest), cleaning, replying to messages promptly, and sleep. however, i did do taebo on friday :)

6) phones: water spilled in my bag, breaking my phone at tc. haha this is only the fourth time this has happened. verizon is being super kind and giving me another one even though i'm pretty sure my phone is off warranty. i have the phone and am waiting for the battery, but i kind of like not having a phone. i don't constantly look for texts and i guess i'm slowly reaching my amish ideal haha.

7) lent: i definitely need to "get back where it all began/when i would long for only You" (starfield :) i'm not sure what i'll give up, but i want to try my best to commit to spending an hour with God each morning. i'm thinking of giving up media (except the news)...part of me knows this is the best, but another part of me is like "i should maintain my relationships from tc" (even though not all those relationships are exactly uplifting.

8) back on track?: today was really good--i had enough sleep (i ended up falling asleep on a table after tutoring though haha), was responsive in euro, read 2 time's, did tae bo/ate healthily, spent real time with God(it was really refreshing--i don't know why i always forget that), truly prayed, cleaned a bit, replied to messages, and kind of applied for an internship! i hope this discipline lasts and i really should do homework!

9) tutoring: this activity will be dominating my life. haha i have to tutor mondays, tuesdays, thursdays, and fridays. i used to just tutor twice a week for school, but haha i kinda need 20 hrs of community service for NHS by april 1 so i'm tutoring for my middle school. then last week, my friend told me that the librarian's daughter needs math tutoring (yay for kumon experience...not really)

10) summer: so i planned to find a paid internship in boston and hang out with people before college all summer, but i don't know if that's going to happen b/c i don't know if my sister's connection will work out. haha my other option is to spend my whole summer in shanghai w/ my sister steph and learn chinese. i really want to do both, but ideally i'd want to do option a this summer and option b next.

new

so i've had my first notsogreat week in a while! mm i guess everyone needs one once and a while to appreciate when things are going well. nothing too dramatic, but just tension with my relationships with God, my mom, and others.

today, school was going really well and i got to hang out with my girls from middle school. we went to etsogo and i had REALLY good sushi and green tea ice cream. after that, my mom like flipped out at me and didn't want to bring me home (observation: don't drive angry...it's dangerous) so i spent an hour at marshall's haha... i didn't really mind it--i do like being alone at times. after that, my dad was going to pick me up and he told me to get flowers for my mom to try to make ammends. i go into market basket and my gigantic bag hits a potted plant. so the plant and soil is out of the pot, buut it still retains the shape. i try to put it back into the pot, but lol it keeps falling apart! there pretty much soil ALL over..i felt really bad.

mm i think i'm just really mentally/emotionally exhausted, but i am really excited for this weekend :) my mom's leaving for a missions trip (to trinidad and tobago in s. america) tomorrow and i think it's what we need--time and space to miss/appreciate/love one another again.

once again, bethany dillon has a song that speaks to my soul! if you watch the vid, enjoy the scenic pics... not the random girls haha.


and i do love garden state.

simple

ok i'm going to recap the past week! well i switched comps w/ dad and i like this one SO much better. i skipped school, had an amazingly relaxing day at brew'd awakening...and consequently got in-house. very special people had their bdays...attrace, christine, blair, and victoria! the weekend: i went to fun world (for the first time in like years), casa de lee (FINALLY), and boston (ice skated/met and reconnected with great people)! thenn this school week, i celebrated retro day (in in-house haha) andd cultural day by wearing a qi pao and watching all the nerdy asians play rock band, super smash bros., and DDR. thennnn i met peter's dog, princess and had a snow day :)

random thoughts:

1) my bag definitely is too stuffed! things fall out ALL the time haha like yogurt...then my dad ran it over and my driveway is partially purple.

2) i love genuine people, meaningful conversation, and simple things.

3) garden state is a strangely heart-warming movie with an amazing soundtrack :)

4) verse of the day: "but He said to me, 'my grace is sufficient for you, my power is made perfect in your weakness..." (2 corinthians 12:9)

5) sometimes i find myself in situations (like in-house) that i would have NEVER thought i'd be in haha. i definitely need wisdom from God :)

6) i've come to enjoy playing piano and reading the news from BBC

7) i love having 8 hours of sleep!

ah bethany dillon :)

nadiah hassan

       

so it came to my attention that miss nadiah reads my blog and so i've been inspired to post :) nadiah currently live in virginia and i miss her a ton! the bottom picture is the last time i saw her (with jack kerouac above us) -- when we went to the coffee mill! and the top picture is nadiah's romantic alley.

mm a little about my vacation, i went to toronto with my parents and i got to drive a few hours. i hate driving on longggg highways w/ trucks, i skidded once and drifted a few times. we stayed at my grandparents' house, which was an oven! i really appreciated getting a chance to help my grandma exercise with her walker because though i don't think she remembers who i am all the time, she seems happy. haha to be honest, growing up, my grandma was just a scary lady who made terrible food. my canto isn't the best so would never really talk to my grandparents, but i really regret that.

i also got to spend time w/ my favorite aunt (elaine)'s family. we had hot pot one night with them and her other side of the family. haha elaine's nephews both have white significant others. and omg one of then and his gf were so hippy. like vegetarians, vintage t's, and long wispy hair with bangs. i got to meet my cousin justin's gf too-- she's really sweet! when my sister flew from ny she mostly hung out with my little cousin joycelyn, while i "finished" my college apps. haha half the time i played microsoft hearts... but i did finish my college apps before school started again! on new year's, my family went to a chinese mall, where they were doing like a kungfu demonstration to wicked loud music. thennnn after, we went to congee wong and haha saw the year change through the time stamp on security camera monitors. on new year's, we walked thru a national park and surprisingly a lot of people were walking too! we stayed in syracuse one night and went to a really awesome church.

ok now it's 2009 and this year has been going well so far, except i truly have senioritis. i had a TON of resolutions and have been kinda keeping them up. but after nathan's sermon on sunday, i realized that i truly need to resolve to know Christ. i've been spending time with God everyday, but i definitely need to gain discipline and not to gossip...b/c i've been tearing others down.

over vacation i read "the alchemist" and it's truly a great book. i makes you think a lot about destiny and haha it's made me a bit paranoid about omens and i already over-analyze enough as it is. here's a nice quote from it:

"tell your heart that the fear of suffering is worse than the suffering itself. and that no heart has ever suffered when i goes in search of its dreams, because every second's encounter with God and with eternity"



since vacation the crisis in graza has escaled- i can't believe over 1000 people have died. is a cause great than takinig the lives of others? it amazes me that only 13 israelis have died, while 1,155 palestinians have died. the other day, i say the bumper stickers behind this happy van with some true words of wisdom:

"when the power of love overcomes the love of power, the world will know peace."
- jimi hendrix

"an eye for an eye makes the whole world blind"
- gandhi

i'm going to end with an acoustic vid from jenny and tyler- an adorable and talented married couple (i found them from a facebook ad that said "if you like bethany dillon and shane and shane. they're like young starving musicans--pursuing their dreams in nashville :)

heaven, kumon, and "a thousand splendid suns"

my weekend, so i pretty much had no contact with the outside world (real social interactions) until sunday. pastor mac's sermon was really great and made me excited for heaven. like i honestly don't know what i do if i wasn't a christian/had Jesus b/c life really can be hard and everyone eventually experiences pain and trials. then in sunday school, i learned how faith shouldn't be "blind" and that faith is more like trust. after sunday school was bertucci's and then avery's party :) it was really fun- i love lyfers! there was some climbing windows, building fires, playing WOW (vlee is an addict now), and dancing involved hahah.





so yesterday was my last day of work of kumon. i've been there for the past year and a half and it's been a major part of my life haha. ok to be honest, at times, i've hated it...my boss, jean can be REALLY demanding. at the beginning, i felt like i couldn't do anything right-there would always be something she would say like "why isn't ____'s work corrected" or "don't talk about non-work related items." i think when jean left over the summer and especially once i found out the center was closing, i began to appreciate her more and realize where she was coming from and the stress she experienced. anyways, i really love and am going to miss all the kids and staff. i definitely learned a lot from working there like how to function in a high-pressure/demanding environment and deal with difficult people and be "professional" haha. though i think kumon is a cult, i hope jean will be able to open it again in the future.

afterschool, i went to the little barnes and noble's in downtown lowell and started to read A Thousand Splendid Suns by khaled hosseini. i really like it so far-- i love how hosseini's ability to convey emotion. i got through the first part which tells about the life of mariam, who is the illegitimate child of a rich business man and a servant. i don't want to give too much of the story away, but her story is really tragic. though this book is fictional, it breaks my heart to hear about abuse parents inflict on their children because of their own pain, fears, and broken dreams. also, though i know things have changed, i hate reading about arranged marriages, which are only for the benefit of the husband. i read The Kite Runner last christmas and gosh that book made me cry so much. i like how both of these books give insight to middle east culture and the constant struggle and strife from these cultures- back in the day until now. so i need to get this book and finish it during christmas break!

ok i need to finish all my college stuff this week! i've been procrastinating SO much and now i'm being owned. i hope there's a snow day tmrw!


song of the day: "relax, take it easy"- mika (haha it reminds me of like cultish "zoolander")

tattoos

so i haven't blogged in a while, but it's a "freezing rain" day and i don't have school so i'm updating! i truly feel bad for those without electricity and whose trees are destroyed. so i didn't know that it was a "state of emergency" or that people were without electricity until like an hour ago...i just thought people weren't online b/c they were sleeping in. i've been able to do a lot of things i've been needing to do like cleaning, devotioning, praying, and replying to old emails and facebook messages. though i'm sad there's no lyf, i'm glad i have a day to catch up on all my homework and hopefully finish some college supplements.

thoughts from my week:

NHS induction was actually really nice :) i honestly will miss school people in college.

my friend henna got me all obsessed about tattoos b/c she's getting an ohm tattooed on her wrist during christmas break. and my friend maureen got a scorpio in the shape of an "M" below her collarbone. so in the past, i've wanted a jesus fish tattooed on my ankle, but not anymore b/c apparently it hurts pretty bad on your ankle as there's not much fat and i also think i want something a bit more elaborate. though i do think having too many tattoos looks trashy, after looking at some designs, i've decided i want to get a a small and black tribal sun on the back of my shoulder. my friend mikhaila are going to gets our tattoos together (she wants morning glory flowers along the side of her ribs and stomach) when we both turn 18!


i was reading an article online called "should christians get tattoos? it was really interesting- it wasn't biased, but presented both sides of the argument. so most people against tattoos (like my mother) believe the people explictly prohibits it. i.e.:"Do not cut your bodies for the dead, and do not mark your skin with tattoos. I am the Lord" -Leviticus 19:28. however the article continues to say that verses must be read in context. other verses in leviticus prohibit things like draining an animal's blood and trimming beards b/c they were specifically associated w/ pagan practices (while today they're not). they also addressed important questions to consider like why do you want a tattoo? will it glorify yourself or God? will it cause other people to fall?

so some reasons i want that sun tattoo is that well i'll get on my 18th birthday and after doing some research, i've learned suns can symbolize "hope for tomorrow" and "looking towards brighter days." those are things i truly want going to college and as i become an adult. i also do love sunshine and the light that Jesus brings to our dark world :)

ok off to do some homework! what do you guys think of tattoos?

song of the week: "you" by switchfoot (yay for "walk to remember" clips :)

hear you me

the post is going to be about everything under the sun

a. johnny d
i was browsing on facebook and learned that a kid from my school, who graduated last year past away. he fell off a roof when he was climbing the roof of a building to see city skyline in boston. i didn't know johnny, but i do remember seeing him in school. reading about him from a newspaper article makes me so sad--he had such a good heart. he was really close to his mom and in the article she mentions how she had bought him a brand new skateboard for graduation. at the skate park, he met a kid who was watching, fascinated at all the boarders. after talking to the kid for a bit, johnny gave away from new skateboard, seeing that the kid needed it more than he did. i feel like God constantly is teaching me sacrifice--like i can't imagine just giving away a bag or sweater someone has just bought me...i mean i could do it, but not willingly. his mom also mentions how when she would ask him why he had to take so many risks, he would say "you only have one life, mom. you can't be afraid to live." hmm i think that is true, we really hold ourselves back a lot b/c we're afraid of other's opinions and the unknown. ah i guess there needs to be balance? like risking things that are worth it? i know johnny wasn't a christian so i don't know what to pray for b/c it's too late...i guess i can pray for peace for his mom. it must be really rough b/c she raised him by herself and he was her only son...

b. fantastick's
i watched it with christine cho and it is an awesome play. it shows how love is something that often needs to be fought for--it's purest form doesn't come without trials.

c. marijuana
in my intro to soc class at umass lowell, we talked about massachusetts ballot question number 2- the decriminalization of marijuana. i honestly think the initiative isn't really restricting anything b/c you can possess an ounce or less and with that much, you're most likely going to sell it. i've always have though that pot was bad b/c it was expensive and addictive. EVERYONE in the class was for the decriminalization or even the legalization of marijuana. their arguments were actually really convincing- it would save the state $130 million, police could focus on more serious crime, and i would keep the records of those who are caught with marijuana clean (often times these offenses keep people from getting jobs even though their offense was minor and a long time ago). there are a lot of people including the brookline police dept. that are in support of this as shown in its passage. i was a bit surprise, but the coalitions for this initiative have spent A LOT of money and i'm guess a lot of young people voted for this. i also learned that marijuana isn't that expensive--it's like $6 a gram and it's not addictive (but then why do people keep doing it?). i also learned that why people do it is b/c it's "relaxing" and distorts things in good ways.

ok i did not succeed in writing everything i wanted to, but i love weddings! last weekend, phil wickham as well as my cousin got married :) i'm leaving for florida now for my brother's wedding, but i shall finish my thought later.

and the highlight of my week: the lee's are moving back!!! :)