so when i usually journal my prayers, i try to follow ACTS (adoration, confession, thanksgiving, and supplication). i like to fill up a whole notebook page every time i write, so when i can't think of anything else to say to God, i usually take something from a song. ok haha so the bridge from "hosanna" is wordy and so i use it a lot. "heal my heart and make it clean/open up my eyes to the things unseen/show me how to love like you have loved me/break my heart for what breaks yours/everything i am for your kingdom's cause/as i walk from earth into eternity. i think that God has slowlyyy been opening up my eyes to the things unseen, but it hasn't been pretty.
today in sociology at UML, we watched a documentary called "waging a living." it basically highlighted poverty in america. those who make minimum wage truly struggle to make ends meet. often times people who live in poverty are single parents, who can't pursue further education because they have children who they need to take care o and provide for. one of the subjects that the documentary followed was a woman who works as a nursing assistant at an elderly home. she supports three kids andd four grandkids! one of her daughter has cancer that's terminal andd has no health insurance. so this woman works overtime and experiences emotional, physical, and psychological fatigue.
the other story was about another single mom who has five kids and only made $8.25 an hour. i can imagine how that's a struggle to make end's meet- i make more than that for tutoring! i admire this woman so much--she's a full time mom, employee, AND student. i always complain that school is stressful, but is 43892438494324893 times more stressful--she barely has time to study because she has to take care of her kids and work 40 hrs. it's pretty much an endless cycle until she gets her degree and can get a better job with benefits (she spent $200 for allergy medicine for her son!). so later in the documentary, she gets a $2.75 raise andd the government takes away so much of its aid that it was better to make less after all.
the third woman in the documentary wasn't in poverty--she was middle class (nice house, nice car), but is undergoing a bitter divorce. her husband must have had a really good job b/c she never had to work or pursue more education, but when he left, she had nothing. she raises her three kids and works as a waitress. though she has tips, she only makes $2.18 an hour! waitressing isn't exactly full of certainty b/c everything on the customers (if there are any at all). this woman has $12,000 in debt for the divorce (why is the legal process of a divorce so freaking expensive?)andd like $15,000 in credit card debt for her house, car, and other expenses. thenn her 8 year old son, who probably is hurting a lot, is crazy and like tries to hit his mom.
ok this is getting sooo long, but the bottom lining is that i realized how hard life is for so many people. i truly broke my heart hearing all these stories. the first woman, who is a somewhat devoted catholic said that she felt that God had neglected her. if i was in her situation, i'd honestly feel the same way. it's so easy for us to say that "God has a plan for each one of us and puts us in our circumstances we're in for a purpose," but when you have the constant worry of not being able to pay for things like electricity or school supplies from your kids--it's a different story. i guess you could say that God puts the fortunate in their places to help those in need ("freely you have received, freely give" matt. 10:8) but how many of us continuously do? all these women are pretty much in the same nightmare that never ends. and their kids will be in the same condition unless they can afford the money and time for college.
i am so thankful that God has blessed me with so much that i can go to college and that my parents are together and aren't living "paycheck to paycheck." God definitely convicted me on my lifestyle--i'm extremely selfish and materialistic. i spend so much time and money on things that bring temporal happiness, when so many people are struggling to survive. i know God wants me to act upon injustice and start with small things, like changing myself before i try to change others. i truly want to try to use my money for God and for people in need, as opposed to things that i don't need for myself.
in "blue like jazz," donald talks about one of his friend's penny. he respects penny because she truly believes in what she says and lives according to it. he talked about how penny hadn't bought any clothes for a whole year and how he admired that. i'm going to try that, it's definitely not going to be easy for me b/c haha sometimes i think i'm a compulsive shopper. anyways, i know that God can give me the strength to do so!
song of the day: "hear you me" by jimmy eat world :)
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