lyf retreat has always had a special place in my heart. it was during my first one that God became real to me. i realized that my faith was meant to be a 24/7 love relationship with Jesus. six years seriously goes by so fast! i can't believe this was my last one, but i definitely loved it and learned a lot.
planning is always stressful for me b/c if something goes wrong, it's my fault. i'm not sure if a lot of things turned out as i expected, but it was being on planning team that forced me to pray. too often, i want things, but never ask for them from God. i think it was through working with other lyfers with planning that i really got to know others and was pushed to my limits (in a good way :) sometimes i think my heart's like a bottle and the love i have is like water--i was only made with a certain amount. coming into lyf retreat, i wasn't sure how much love, patience, and energy i had left, but God definitely came through and Bum's messages about sacrificial love really resounded.
i guess with friends, i always do except something back. i always do want someone who listens, understands, is funny, crazy, and charming. it's hard to give, without receiving. i always expect something for my whether it's affirmation, gratitude, or returned love. it's hard for me to love a friend in particular, who's struggling with something and i don't know what to do to help her and i don't see any result of my love. i feel like God put her in my life so I can truly show her who Jesus is by loving her sacrificially.
i haven't had the best relationship with my parents. i know i've been their most challenging child because i can be pretty stubborn at times. hm...i think i have trouble with respecting and abiding by authority. i think that's because i've felt that authority has been wrong at times and that's hurt me. another thing i realize is that i struggle with being honest with my parents about who i hang out with and where/what i'm doing. my parents have always shown my love both in their actions and words, but it's always been difficult to show them my imperfections. writing a letter to my parents, where i confessed a lot was healing for me.
the session on dating relationships was at first a bit uncomfortable for me, but then i realized how it was good for lyf. romantic relationships are inevitable so i think it's good to be grounded even if its early. one thing i realized is that i'm nowhere ready for a relationship because i'm going to join an asian nunnery with blair and victoria lee will live nearby. haha jk, but i just see that God needs to work in me a lot more. i haven't achieved sacrificial love and don't know about who i am.
i truly value every conversation i had this weekend. i really see that there is a lot of love in our youth group and passion for Jesus and that makes me so happy. i am sad that in 7-ish months i won't be a lyfer, but i'm so excited to see where God takes lyf in the years to come--there's so much potential :) i really believe that if the younger lyfers give whole-heartedly respond to the vision God has for our youth group, they'll surpass all the things I or past LYFers ever did.
i loved loved loved my small group. we all had different personalities, but everyone was such a sweetheart. we didn't get thru all our notebook questions, but i definitely learned a lot about my small group through them :)
high ropes were reallyy scary, but i'm just glad i finished it. lol i pretty much prayed the whole time. i liked the low ropes course a lot better b/c it was interactive and collaborative. skits were scandalous, but superr funny.
coming back home, i realized how much i love lyf. i'm still figuring a lot of things out, but God has been faithful! so whenever life gets overwhelming, i always want to become amish--where life seems so simple. however, v always reminds me that amish people have problems too. God's slowly teaching me that thru Him i really can get through everything. anyways, i hope these things that God has put on our hearts, the relationships we have built or reconciled never die.
tangents: i love starfield, they never fail to have songs that say what's on my heart!
2 comments:
asian nunnery, fo sho! um i definitely can relate to the whole authority thing you brought up, so youre not alone. i'm so glad you had a great weekend and i'm sorry we never really got to talk at night... heheheh. but yeah we'll make blueberry pancakes again together sometime:) i love you!
wow what a powerful reflection! i am glad u enjoyed our last lyf retreat :) altho we're peacing outta lyf in 7 months, the work that we have done will always be preserved. sooo awesome that u got to taste a bit of potential from those younger lyfers, much like i did as well :) god never ceases to love and provide. we shouldnt either. keep prayin it up!
foshizle folizle
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